Was Wrestlemania 24 all that good? I could sit here and give you some long-winded preface about the “Showcase of the Immortals” and all that imaginative terminology. If you are reading this column, chances are you are a pretty big wrestling fan and have seen and read all the hype. That said; let’s break it down match by match and see the end result. Free-For All - The 24 Man Battle Royal
I guess it promptly started at 6:30 and by time I got online, several participants were eliminated. Predictably, several big men were the final wrestlers with Kane being the only face, so naturally he won to take on Chavo for the ECW Title later on that night.
Match #1 - Finlay vs. JBL
Since my local cable provider (I hate you, Comcast), did not carry Wrestlemania in HD, I went over to a friend’s house to see it. With that said, JBL (very clearly) looks in terrible shape. I know he’s not getting any younger, but he should wrestle with that windbreaker jacket next time, he’s got the body of a fat, aging, drunk woman (rolls, boobs, and flab). That aside, the highlights included Hornswoggle getting hit with a garbage can and Finlay attempting a planca and coming up dangerously short. Given the “Belfast” rules, they could have had a creative, hardcore match, but I wouldn’t expect that out of these two old school, yet limited veterans, so they didn’t. Lousy match. Vince likes both of these guys, which is why they are on the card, but he like JBL a little more, so he wins. The best part of the match is that it is out of the way, so let’s move on. Did I mention Vince likes JBL?
Match #2 - Money in the Bank Ladder Match
This is the fourth year, of the now Wrestlemania staple, so I’ll come right out and say it, this has been the best one so far. Innovation was taken to new heights (some pun intended). It was a really good mix of participants. The two MVPs (not Montel Porter) I would say were Shelton Benjamin (who Tazz astutely said was the man to beat) and John Morrison. Morrison was doing moves that Chris Jericho used to do (although Jericho still gets it done in the ring today). The moonsault to the outside (WITH a ladder) was awesome. The highlight for me was Shelton jumping sideways from one ladder to a sunset flip to another on Morrison which caused Morrison (who was brawling with MVP on top of another ladder) to suplex him off another ladder. It was much less confusing and more awesome than I could do it justice. I saw moves I never saw before (backcracker off the ladder from Carlito) and guys jumping on ladders and using them as weapons in new, innovative ways. With Jeff suspended for being an idiot, we still got a Hardy with Matt coming out to a HUGE pop extracting revenge on MVP, delivering a Twist of Fate off the ladder. The finish saw Jericho and CM Punk gunning for that briefcase, with Jericho getting caught in the Tree of Woe on the ladder, and with all others pretty much decimated, Punk grabs the briefcase in what I felt was an unlikely victory. It was a surprise, stole the show (on a pretty stacked card), had the right mix of wrestlers, and is a surefire candidate for match of the year, not just in the WWE, but for all North American wrestling. The only minor gripe I had was having all three brands call the match (even JR admits it’s challenging). If management want the “storytelling” that they always talk about, I’d stick with one announce team. Given the hardcore nature, I’d have Joey Styles and Tazz (a Mania announce vet) call the match. That aside, it’s the best match I’ve seen in a few years and worth the price of admission.
Match #3 – Batista vs. Umaga
“Brand Supremacy” was just a lousy excuse to put these limited-ability guys in a match. Best part of the match was William Regal announcing Umaga as “Umanga” (yes that joke is not old yet, I love it). The match? It was bad. A barely-there Batista bomb for the win. The end.
Match #4 – Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero for the ECW Title
Kane won with a chokeslam. That’s it, literally.
Although the fifth match was Michaels/Flair, this match personally meant a lot to the wrestlers, the fans, and me. It could have main-evented Wrestlemania 24. I do understand that it’s Vince’s show, not mine and he’s got to put over the current champions to close the show. I’ve decided I want to end this column as the Shawn Michaels/ Ric Flair career ending match as my own personal main event. Moving forward…
“Match” #6 – Bunnymania Lumberjack Match
The girls are looking extra hot and Snoop Dogg drives pimped-out golf cart to sit on his royal throne in what I thought would be a toilet of a match, hence the quotes on the word “match”. To my surprise it wasn’t. All the girls held up their end of the bargain. Ashley (considering she was only a substitute for Candice) wrestled like she belonged at Wrestlemania and brought A-game I didn’t know she even had. It’s no Money in the Bank, for a Women’s match I was pleasantly surprised, despite some faulty lighting issues (give the girls a break). The Glamazon and Melina (the two actual wrestlers in the match) won and Santino (looking and acting extra obnoxious, which was awesome) taunted Maria, leading to a pretty solid clothesline by Snoop. My buddy then says that Snoop should make out with the girls, then does (well with Maria anyways). Snoop’s kids and wife (or baby’s mom) should be proud. Good job, ladies and Snoop.
Before the next match, a marching band comes out and starts playing. Given horns blaring, I said they should just go into Cena’s theme and get that match over with. They proceed to do just that and my friends accuse me of reading a rumor site (which I refuse to for Wrestlemania). I thought it was kind of a creative idea anyway…
Match #7 – Triple Threat Match for the WWE Title, Randy vs. Triple H vs. John Cena
All the guys involved are not bad wrestlers by any means, but they are pretty basic and I feel they are all shoved down our throats on TV too much, hence the backlash (and I’m sure well see this match again on the PPV aptly titled Backlash next month). Again, this was another pleasant surprise. Cena showed an impressive amount of strength picking up both Trip and Orton for the F-U (didn’t connect, but was cool). Fans were hating on Cena so much, I find myself almost rooting for him. I thought Triple H getting the title would just soothe his ego or Cena would win to sell more merchandise to the kids. To my surprise, neither of them won. Trips had Cena in the crossface (surprised to see that move again), Orton punts HHH in the head, giving him the go-ahead pinfall on Cena. Hey, I didn’t expect that, so I’m kind of satisfied with end result.
Match #8 Big Show vs. Floyd Mayweather
Who here has watched the Roddy Piper DVD? If you have not, get it. If you have, go to the Wrestlemania 1 & 2 chapters, specifically paying attention to anything Mr. T related. Mr. T was a non wrestler going into a pro wrestling environment. “If I let him win, I would have disgraced the business and what all the boys in the back bust their backs for,” Piper speaks of making T look good. That’s what this should have been about, respecting wrestling. With all due respect to Piper, he is no Big Show as far as size and strength is concerned. So was it believable that Show dominated Mayweather and his cronies throughout most of the match? Of course it was. Mayweather even tried to runaway at one point. What’s not believable is Mayweather getting the 10 count KO victory. My friends were furious. I was kind of mad, but not surprised one bit. Vince wanted all the publicity, a huge gate and got both. Let’s not forget that Big Show is the same man who lost to Akebono (another non-wrestler we’ll never see in a WWE ring again) in a sumo match a couple Manias ago. Of course an ego maniac like Floyd Mayweather is going to get the victory over the Big Show (who I’m sure is well-compensated for his troubles). Cash in, be out, thanks for coming Mayweather. Just never come back again.
Match #9 Edge vs. The Undertaker for the World Title
I was again surprised (word of the day) to see the Deadman get the respect of closing the show. I really feel Edge is a worthy opponent and proved it with a promo earlier in the night. Edge claimed his childhood innocence was lost at Wrestlemania 6, seeing his idol Hulk Hogan lose to the Ulimate Warrior. Now he said he wanted to destroy a child’s innocence tonight by watching him defeat the Undertaker and kill the streak (easily the most passionate promo I’ve ever seen him do). Edge almost had you believe he very well could do it too. All the usual tricks were used by both men, but it is amazing to see the Undertaker still compete at such a high level after all these years, even as a much better wrestler than he was ten years ago. This was a really solid match, but didn’t steal the show by any means. Orton (who I regard as an average wrestler) and the Taker tore the house down at WM 21, so I expected much more with this one. It delivered, but it was hard to top the other show-stealers of the night. Edge’s second spear of the night landed him in the Undertaker’s deadly triangle hold (which I am a big fan of and shows his versatility) and the tap out victory. I’m not a fan of the Coach’s announcing and would have preferred Tazz (an Undertaker fan) to work the match with his old partner Michael Cole, but other than that gripe it was a good match and one of the better Wrestlemanias in recent memory, oh wait I forgot one more thing…
Match # 5 – Shawn Michaels vs. Ric Flair
A lot of emotion going into this one. God, I hate to insult the Nature Boy in his big night, but that robe he was wearing was the worst robe I’ve seen him wear. It had a weird button in the front that made it look like a bizarre turtleneck of sorts. Was the robe a sign of things to come? Let’s face it, Ric is getting honored for a reason, his time has come. I write about him practically in every column, but his limitations are apparent now. Did that affect the match? Slightly, but never before have I seen a match with so much emotion, you don’t see the flaws as easily. Did I mention Charles Robinson refereed the match? Yes, Little Naitch called Big Naitch’s last ride. I particularly enjoyed Ric going to the top for what it usually him getting tossed, but this time he connected, prompting The King to say, “It worked!! This is a historic night!” Sure, there were some botches, but Flair still held his own and HBK wrestled with a heavy heart, and possible broken ribs after landing on an announce table after an Asai Moonsault. After a few held back attempts at the Sweet-Chin Music due to emotion, an exhausted Flair signaled for Shawn to give him what he had. Michaels then delivered the Sweet Chin Music, but not before saying, “I’m sorry. I love you” for the win. What may sound corny or kind of gay to immature fans was a sight to see and words cannot express the emotion running through the current and future Hall of Famers. Sometimes I forget why they even call Shawn Michaels the Heartbreak Kid. Was it just a cool nickname given by Curt Hennig randomly? Was it because he was feuding with Bret Hart at the time? Was he “breaking the hearts” of the ladies during his boy-toy days? Whatever the reason, it broke all of ours and even Shawn Michaels’ heart to see Naitch go. Ric Flair can retire knowing he left nothing on the table. Ric Flair can retire knowing he competed for 35 years, the last several keeping up with the younger guys, getting them over in wrestling and in life. Ric Flair can retire knowing he never lost his love for this business and the fans along with his peers never lost their love for him. What is due respect these days? Well Ric Flair has it and with all due respect to all of those who were there before him, with him, and after him, he never had to say he was the best there is, best there was, and best there ever will be. He simply said he was The Man. “To be the Man, you have to beat the Man.” Shawn Michaels beat the man yesterday and is the man, but we all know Ric Flair will always be The Man.
-Luscious Jonny F
What did you think of Wrestlemania? What did you like? What did you hate (besides Mayweather)? Hit me up at drago552@aol.com or the feedback forum.