Chris Jericho – Tell the crowd to yell “Go Jericho, go!! Go Jericho go!!!!” Blow them kisses. Call your peers and co-workers JoJo Dillion, Gene Mean, Stinko Malenko, Roy Mysterio, and Bill Greenburg. Be the first Undisputed Champion and make the fans hate you so much they even want Triple H to hold the title. At this stage, you may have a heel that the fans may never, eee-ever want to see a-gain. Chris Jericho could switch between heel and face, but when heel he never tries to be cool. He is just ridiculous and a complete coward, which is what a true heel should be. Chris Jericho is a great wrestler, but I am equally entertained by his vocal prowess (always have). Great heels make those around them better. The entire Batista-Michaels to now Michaels- Jericho feud has been long, drawn out and entertaining. This is something that the good old days used to accomplish frequently (why do you think we call them good). Even a veteran, perennial midcarder such as Lance Cade could possibly benefit from this. Just hearing Jericho mention all the times HBK screwed someone over to get what he wants and then blame the fans for even encouraging HBK is very entertaining television in my humble estimation. I can’t wait to see what happens next. Did Jericho “Save Us” from the ratings dives the WWE suffered towards the end of last year? No, but he is currently saving us from boring promos from monotone heels like Randy Orton.

Matt Striker – This is a bold statement, but Matt Striker is the closest thing we may ever have to Bobby Heenan right now. He is a guy that can get by in the ring, but hand him a microphone and you have got some gold. He plays up the teacher angle without seeping into Dean Douglas territory. He uses big words, but also has an exceptional wealth of wrestling history knowledge. I often feel like quite the mark when I hear him mention names like King Curtis Iakeua (the Dungeon of Doom’s Master, no not Kevin Sullivan, the older guy). Don’t believe me? Check out Best Week Worst Week on wwe.com hosted by the abovementioned Mr. Striker. Pure entertainment and he is a very talented individual that can wrestle, manage, or host a dot com show. I feel that Matt Striker would do a much better job as a color commentator than Mick Foley on Smackdown. (By the way, how come there are not anymore true heel announcers, Jerry Lawler rarely sides with villains anymore). I really hope his talents are utilized to the fullest because he would be a centerpiece heel that understands the business, enjoys it, is a republican (America’s villians), and knows how to draw heat. I hope the best is yet to come.

John Morrison and The Miz – Frankly, I just wanted to say John Morrison. I can’t stand The Miz. He’s a joke, a jerk. I hate that stupid hat/bandana combo he wears to the ring, the fact that he calls himself the “chick-magnet” (what is this Saved by the Bell?) and that he is a former Real World cast member that is living his dream partially because of his reality TV fame. Wait, so I hate the guy? Then he is doing his job and is a very good heel. However, with John Morrison they are an even better pair, maybe even more superior than MNM was. Joey Mercury rarely spoke and we were all paying attention to Melina back then. Morrison has got it all. A “million dollar look,” good verbiage, good timing, looks like John Morrison (of The Doors fame for you youngsters) and is an amazing talent in the ring (just look at this year’s Money in the Bank). Why do you think the belts haven’t been taken off them after this long? Why do you think they have their own online web-show in the Dirt Sheet? They have been the best thing to come out of the tag team ranks in quite some time and seem like pompous a**holes out behind the scenes as well. Job well done, guys (let’s hope guys like Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. can follow). How would have thought two Tough Enough rejects would outshine any of the winners?

Santino Marella – Santino is one the brightest stars in the entire company and a top reason I still watch Monday Night Raw. He consistently makes himself look foolish, has impeccable comedic timing, has a ridiculous hair cut and even went insult for insult with the king of one liners, Rotten Rodney the Piper (opps, sory Hod Rod). I rarely do this, but I usually log on to wwe.com to watch Santino’s Casa. He is completely outlandish and even got a shout out by The Rock (in the form of an insult) at the Hall of Fame ceremony this past year (which is saying something). I’ll never forget when Raw was in Philadelphia and Santino said the only thing he knew about Philadelphia “wasa the Tom a-Hanks movie with a the AIDS.” AIDS jokes, eh Santino? Nothing is out of bounds for Santino and he is easily the most entertaining thing going next to Vince McMahon.

Honorable Mentions:

William Regal – He’s been out of the spotlight due to his Wellness Policy violation (he pretty much ruined the King of the Ring and his major push). Nonetheless, Regal can make the crowd hate him and has played the role of pompous Brit for as long as I can remember now, in the ring and on the mic.

Melina – I think she plays her part perfectly. Although it seemed they were going for a face run for her before her injury, Melina can play the snooty bitch role with the best of them. I find her to be the best thing to happen to women’s wrestling since Sunny (and she didn’t wrestle). From what Mick Foley says, Melina can be a nice person behind the scenes as well. She can get it done in the ring, is gorgeous, can turn the crowd on her, make her opponent look good, and let’s not forget about that sexy entrance. What’s not to like (or in this case dislike)?

Carlito – We all know wrestling is in his blood, but there is something missing. Carlito has the gimmick, the look, he even has Carlito’s Cabana as a testament to his mic skills. The one thing that is keeping him from the upper echelon of top heels is passion. He was given the US Title in his first ever match in the WWE and was given the Intercontinental Title in his very first match on Raw some years ago. Since then, Carlito has waited (and bitched) for his next opportunity to come along; instead he needs to grab it (which hopefully he can do again on Smackdown).

Mr. McMahon – Do I really have to tell you what makes him a heel? If you are not sure, then you probably don’t realize you are reading a wrestling website.

Just like Mr. McMahon, the one thing that these or any other great heel for that matter, has is that it is an extension of their personality. It’s how you make money in this business. It works for the babyfaces too. Sure maybe Terry Taylor did think he was a chicken (Red Rooster, of course), but Jim Helwig did think he was (still does) THE Ultimate Warrior. I think it’s easier to play a heel. The antagonist controls where the feud goes and can make those around him better. I wish I could play the heel in real life. Imagine if you were able to walk into the bar, insult the bouncer, shove some dudes out of the way and sneer at the hottest girl there….(and still get laid!)? Sadly, it doesn’t work that way, so I have to use whatever charm and looks God gave me (which is actually not bad ladies, call me). To cap this off, being a heel is easy; just do what this guy did:

I’ve always wanted to show that video, so this was just an excuse. On a side note, since we rarely do this here, I’d like to give a shout out to Aaron Hurt’s column. I really enjoyed the What’s Done is Dunn column; it’s the best-written and thought out post I’ve seen in a very long time on TWNP. Either you’ve been in “the business” or are smart fan that has paid attention to the inner working going on in Stamford through the years. In any event, well done (but not Well Dunn). Don’t forget the latest Flair DVD comes out this Tuesday and is a full documentary (unlike that Hogan DVD). Until then...

_-Luscious Jonny F