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The Luscious Truth: Devil's Advocate
Column Posted by Luscious Jonny F on 9:42:58 PM Oct 21, 2008
You can’t please everybody all of the time. After watching WWE programming and reading some of my fellow columnists’ opinions, I am a bit befuddled. What do you want? They praise TNA for high flying action and how much better wrestling there is as opposed to WWE’s “soap operas.” I’ve already written a column on TNA, but when they try a storyline 8 out of 10 times it’s boring, tacky and pointless. They even have a long ways to go to catch up to the WWE in the video gaming department. If you’ve watch any WWE programming lately (which is somewhat part of your job as a columnist), it’s easy to see the young superstars across the board are getting their just do. Starting off with Raw, unless you’ve been blind you know that former TNA-er (during the NWA-TNA days) CM Punk has had a serviceable run as World champ. In fact, after Unforgiven his claim is that he never lost it due to sneak attack by Orton, Rhodes, and DiBiase (all up and coming talent). I will also say that I really don’t watch much ECW (although I am happy the extreme educator Mike Striker is doing what he was bred to do, work behind the mic), but they do have some decent, if not solid talent. I wrote off this Evan Bourne, mainly because of his “indy league” look, but his tag match with Rey Mysterio against the Miz and Morrison several weeks ago was one of the best tag matches I’ve seen in YEARS. As a Billy Kidman mark, the shooting star press is one of the preeminent moves to watch, but I will say that Bourne’s has the most hang time and was the best I’ve seen (yes, I know Jushin Liger invented it and Paul London sloppily does it as well). The synergy between all for wrestlers was absolutely superb. I really hate to admit this as well, but Dave Batista has gone from a limited ability big man (no better than a Warlord-type wrestler) to one of the better big men of the modern era. What was once a stiff, uncharismatic rookie in 02, is a confident, pleasantly surprising star in 08 that is always in the world title hunt. He may not be the best promo big man of all time, but he has a quiet charisma that seems as though it doesn’t stray too far from the real individual. Speaking of pleasant surprises, Chris Jericho as world heavyweight champion is a long time coming. In the midst of a feud most of us columnists and fans enjoyed, the former-Y2J now holds the big gold belt some 6 plus years removed from being the first Undisputed Champion. Supposedly, the Shawn Michaels feud ended at No Mercy in the ladder match (it seems like it’s been too long without an HBK ladder match). Also note that Vince has gone on record saying that it was the best ladder match he had ever (the boss has been impossible to please lately).
On the Smackdown side of things, the Undertaker continues to get better with age (the older he gets the better wrestler he somehow becomes) and the young talent continues to shine. I have always been a big fan of Brian Kendrick’s ability and if he can up his mic skills, he can be a major star. With his bodyguard and tacky jacket, it seems as though he is being pushed as a young Shawn Michaels (think early Diesel era), which is a lofty goal. Shelton Benjamin has the US title and is reportedly being pushed to up his ante so he can be a top star and world title contender. I do think this R-Truth feud is a bit dangerous. I think you want to push the former K-Kwick without squashing Shelton in process (don’t forget kids, the point of a feud is to make BOTH guys like good, unless Vince has it in for you). Triple H is the champion, yes, but with the move to a new network, I understand why the established veteran is a representing the company. By the way, Maryse in my humble estimation is the hottest diva in the WWE (no slight on Mickie James) and I hope she stays around for a while.
With all the talent, youth and what I feel is an overall improvement on the writing side of things are really looking. I always wanted to play devil’s advocate (the figure of speech not Al Pacino flick) and wonder what I would do if I ran the organization. No, I would not raid TNA’s talent pool and make Jeff Jarrett the world champ in a surprise serve (for those of you fans who are wannabe Vince Russos). Well, let’s say I have the current talent pool, now what? Well first you need to have a creative team. Here is my picks for the creative team…
Jim Ross – Sure he is the unmitigated voice of the WWE of the last 15 years, but during the Attitude Era, the former VP of Talent Relations (or something) helped bring Steve Austin, Mick Foley and a good amount of said Attitude Era talent to the fray. He saw what WCW didn’t in these guys and is one hell of a talent scout. When you hear the word “blue-chipper” come out of his mouth that usually means that he sees great ability from the talent. Although, initially pissed (and somewhat unprofessional) about the move to Friday nights, I think JR is a bit rejuvenated on the Smackdown brand and enjoying calling matches featuring younger talent (and non-interview segments lasting 20 minutes).
Tazz – This may sound like a bias towards the Smackdown writers, but Tazz is another great talent scout. More so on the training side of the things, I feel if Tazz trains you, you can go (so what if Maven, cousin Chris Chetti and Danny Doring didn’t add up). When the right talent is placed in front of him he can really put the guy through the ringer so to speak and help mold a long lasting talent. Tazz brought that big fight, MMA-type atmosphere to the old ECW before MMA was cool (or legal on PPV), something missed in today’s market. Do not get me wrong, I’m glad Tazz is back on Smackdown, but I’m sure he will always have a spot as a backstage agent when his career behind the mic is over.
Raven – Speaking on an ECW Original, here is another man that could really help out a young guy (if he feels like it). I feel like his persona was not too far different from the man and Scott Levi basically seems like an amazing talent that had a difficult time staying clean in his youth and did not live up to his full talent in the end. Having a high I.Q. in and out of the ring though, Raven could really show a guy how to cut a promo and do it without necessarily yelling to get his point across (like the man he borrowed from Jake Roberts).
Mick Foley – Will he do this in TNA? For their sake, I hope so. Sure, Foley is beloved but I think we have seen him do everything he can possibly think of in the squared circle. His hardcore match versus Edge at Wrestlemania 22 was an underrated classic, which even Foley considers the ‘Mania match he always wanted to have. He has definitely done more than I ever thought he would do (especially during those Cactus Jack amnesia promos in early 90s WCW), so I think it is time to help put guys over behind the scenes. In the Legends of Wrestling programs on 24/7, I am always compelled whenever Mick speaks and I think he would make a terrific writer and often wonder why he never was allowed to in the WWE (Can he write? Gee, just look at the New York Times bestseller list). Hopefully TNA will utilize him in that capacity.
Paul Heyman – If I actually had the money to start an organization, Paul E. is my top choice, talent or otherwise. Is there any wonder why before the new ECW started up, he was paid to sit at home? That speaks volumes of what he can do when his heart is in the product. I have written on him many times on this column and the reason Heyman does not have a job is because he is burnt out and because he is to “out of the box” for the McMahons. As far as TNA, even as an aspiring wrestling writer myself, would I want to work for TNA? Eh, well I need my “in” somewhere, but for Paul I do not think it would work. Pitching ideas to Dutch Mantel (lifetime jobber) and Vince Russo (Turner Network jobber) while Jeff Jarrett (don’t get me started on him) is not very desirable for Mr. Dangerously. If he has the freedom, the real ECW (version 2.0) Revolution is upon us (as long as he isn’t the one writing the checks and paying the wrestlers).
Are there any other talents that can help the next generation of “blue chippers?” The column is feeling long so readers, I implore you: who did I miss???
Also, since this is my little soundboard, I do want to speak of something else wrestling related. Earlier, I mentioned TNA foray into video games. In my opinion, you really need a strong developer for a solid game. TNA used Midway, whose claim to fame is Mortal Kombat, NFL Blitz and various arcades from the 80’s and 90’s. That’s nice, but the track record stops there and I knew “Impact” would be a mediocre game at best (reviews seem to agree). For those of you unaware, there is a little company called AKI that worked for such THQ games as WCW vs. nWo world tour, WCW/nWo revenge, WWF Wrestlemania 2000, and the last /best WWF No Mercy. God, do I miss those games. The grappling system was unsurpassed and even non-wrestling fans could enjoy the gameplay. With the Smackdown games being extremely popular, THQ kept the developer of those games and not AKI. AKI eventually was purchased by EA (and no AKI was not responsible for the WCW Mayhem and Backstage Assault debacles). The AKI engine sadly would only be used for EA’s first two Def Jam games (which were surprisingly fun) and a MUSCLE (yes, those 80’s Japanese wrestling toys) game. I am not a huge TNA fan (can you tell), even if they got that AKI engine, the game would have been phenomenal. I have heard some rumors that some hackers have developed updated WWE rosters and environments (not just created wrestlers) based off the No Mercy engine. I will end what is undoubtedly the nerdiest and worst paragraph I have ever wrote on the Luscious Truth, but my question is this…does anyone know where I can find this? I’m certain it’s free, but it would be awesome if one of my readers is a retro-gaming nerd like me and can tell me.
Speaking of this editorial, I realize I have not posted in a long while (time flies), so I noticed some columnists have left (TWNP has come to terms on the release of Christian Phoenix. We wish him the best in his future endeavors) while one has been added….Turgid Worm. I’ll be honest I read the column because I thought it said Turd Worm on really quick glance. It was a good first column; hell I think my first was bland, so good job. I am an articulate individual myself…but why all this turgidity? Alright, so Luscious Jonny F is not the best name but I’ve written dozens of columns under this pseudonym, so I based it off a 1980s manager/wrestler/color commentator, hence I’ve stuck it out. Let me try to figure this out… let’s take a look at that word:
Turgid Worm, since I gave you a bit of the rub here and a welcome, please explain to your future readers why you chose this name. What does it have to do with wrestling? School us on that (in a funny Matt Striker way, not a Dean Douglas way). The future of TWNP depends on it.
I really don’t know how or why I should end on this note, so here’s a funny video to take us out....Lex Luger style
