Inexplicable Squashes
Sometimes these hurt when you see a guy (or gal) you are a fan of get destroyed for no other reason than he pissed off the boss or isn’t getting over to the mainstream. Other times, it is hilarious. Take Eugene at ECW One Night Stand ’06. He was a WWE “Superstar” that was good for what his niche was…a “slow, yet gifted” wrestler. By the time he got over, he failed the wellness test, but by then, fans were over him and the Hammerstein Ballroom's bloodthirsty maniacs were not having Eugene on that night or any other. After a scathingly cheesy “hardcore” promo, The Sandman (sans Metallica theme) came out and beat Eugene to a pulp with his always trusty Singapore cane, mercilessly chasing him all the way to the back. More recently, Snitsky has been a victim of squashing. When he had hair and played the “it wasn’t my fault” angle to a hilarious tilt, it was great. Then he jobbed out and got repacked as a guy with bad teeth and just an ugly monstrous look (so much for the real man’s social life). It wasn’t funny or memorable and most recently, he jobbed out to a much smaller Rey Mysterio in a quick match. Long story short, it’s fun to see guys nobody cares about lose pathetically (El Puerto Ricano, Bastian Booger, Virgil, I’m looking in your direction).

Hot Chicks That Can Fight
Well only some of them anyway. Mickie James, Melina, Jillian Hall, Victoria, Natalya, Beth Phoenix and improving ladies like Maryse (my future wife) and Candice prove that looks and violence can live in harmony. Fellas, sometimes the matches put me to sleep it’s true, but they are trying and some are very talented so I applaud those whose heart is in the business.

Vince McMahon
Alright so you don’t like all of his decisions and he has monopolized wrestling to a degree. Without him, I would not be writing this very column. Besides the character of Mr. McMahon is just too good. He can disappear inexplicably (they never did go out of their way to explain the million dollar “accident”) and the rise of the “No Chance” theme along with the strut will let you know things are about to get very serious…or hilarious. He is a marketing genius and will do whatever it takes to entertain us…I respect the hell out of that.

The Hall of Fame
My buddy and his girlfriend made the trip from Connecticut to Florida to go to Wrestlemania 24. “That’s great!” I told him. Then I thought about it a little more and asked him if he was going to the Hall of Fame? “No.”, he replied. “But Naitch is getting inducted.” “I know.” So doing Mania AND the Hall of Fame is pricey (which is what it came down to), but in many respects I would rather go to the HOF rather than WM. I just get gitty like a kid during Christmas when each inductee is being announced on Raw. Will Randy Savage finally get his just-do? Will Jake Roberts sober up in time? Can Bob Backlund finally come to grips with his age/sanity and accept the induction. Will Bruno Sammartino end his “anti-sports entertainment” crusade and be remembered as a pioneer for northeast wrestling rather than a bitter old man that begrudges Vince Jr.? This is what I ponder for the 6-8 weeks before Wrestlemania. I love it and it helps me feel vindicated after all of these years watching as a fan. In other news, my aforementioned buddy and his girlfriend are expecting their first child. So I had to ask…was the child conceived during that Wrestlemania weekend? Anywhere near Space Mountain? And if the child is a boy, Travis can you name him Ric? Just a thought (congrats guys!).

* My prediction for the Class of 2008 – It is no secret that this event maybe centered around Stone Cold Steve Austin. Too soon? A little, but they would really like to capitalize on the Texas location. Besides, Vince knows he can dangle the HOF and the lure of performing in the 25th anniversary of the greatest wrestling spectacle that has ever been created to get Austin back in the ring, if for only one last time. It will garner ratings and interest, so I’m all for it. I feel the invitation will also be extended to the Funks, with Dory Jr. definitely accepting and Terry probably not wanting to because maybe people will think he is actually retired for good. I hope Terry accepts the offer because it will definitely well deserved for the Funker and one hell of a time backstage for the boys. Being a backstage agent and legend in his own right, I feel Barry Windham deserves to be honored as well in what is shaping up to be a “drinking-heavy” couple of inductions. Are there any other Texans I may have missed (mind you HBK and the Undertaker are still going strong)? I have made many mentions on this site of the Macho Man’s pending induction, but I don’t think it will happen this year, given the location (although I would be pleasantly shocked). Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard certainly deserve induction, but I am not quite sure if it would be as a tandem (Four Horsemen or Brainbusters) or separately. If Flair keeps his word on retirement (unless Japan dumps a lot of money at him), hopefully Vince would allow him to come back and do that induction(s). Ricky Steamboat is another agent who is going to get his just due soon, but again I’m not sure if the Texas backdrop is the where “The Dragon” can rightfully be showcased. Since he is in the good graces of the WWE “Universe” again, I think the Honky Tonk Man would be a good induction (only if bickering cousin Jerry Lawler can induct him). To much disparity, I believe Owen Hart should not be inducted anytime soon. I say wait until Wrestlemania returns to Canada (2009 marks eight years since the last). It would be extraordinary and of course, brother Bret will have to induct him in what could be the most emotional induction of all time.

The Season That Never Ends
Alright, so that might have been the corny slogan the WWF was promoting during the 1994 MLB strike (and Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz), but it is true. It never ends, it may be slow as hell at times, but the entire WWE never gets a break (unless they get injured). Think about it, all of your sitcoms, reality shows and sports get a break. Wrestling doesn’t stop and since the Monday Night Wars, the pressure to continually stay fresh is not an easy one. Like I said earlier, at the very least we can expect things to pick up for the four big PPVs; Summerslam, Survivor Series, Royal Rumble and most importantly, Wrestlemania. We bitch all the time, but try writing 3 new shows and a monthly PPV every week, every month, all year. I have trouble writing an opinion based post once a month. Enough said.

Joey Styles In Charge of wwe.com
I was heartbroken to hear that Joey Styles was replaced by Mike Adamle on ECW, but then I realized that ECW was not even close to what it once was. Quite frankly, I think this has been a win-win for both parties. Joey has much more job security behind the scenes (the site is fantastic for what it is) than behind the mic (no Vince screaming in his ear). Did Joey Styles sell out working .com as opposed to doing play-by-play? Well I was perusing the “Videos” section and saw that there was an OMG moment featuring an original ECW clip. Joey gives the following intro, “Do you miss the original ECW? Of course you do! Not as much as I do.” he grunted sarcastically. I genuinely enjoy his brutal honesty and know he really distains the new ECW. Thanks for keeping it real, Joe!

The Undertaker
As 7 year old boy, watching this guy put his victims in a body bag was a freaky, yet cool sight. As I got older, it got a bit silly as the Taker got stuck with purple trunks, fighting himself at Summerslam 94, wear a Phantom of the Opera mask and have his urn cremated into a gold chain by Kama, but the Undertaker has endured. Whether it was the Ministry, the American Badass biker look or today’s back to old-school, but with an MMA flare the Taker has been the man. I appreciate the Undertaker so much more now because he takes his job so seriously and tries to put on the best match on the show at an age where he simply does not need to. On top of that he is a much better wrestler than he was 10 years ago. Wrestlemania is extra special with the lore of the Undertaker’s streak, quite frankly I hope it never ends.

I could continue to pile on more reasons (I am open to suggestion for a Part 2 if response is positive), but this column is feeling a bit long, so that’s it for now. In other news, Scott may or may not have tried to take his own life. It saddens me that the cool guy I received an autograph from in 1995 (he spelled my name wrong and apologized) at Milford Amusement Center (shameless plug) is in really bad shape. What makes this worse is that the news didn’t surprise me either. Hopefully his former “Clique” buddies can support him. I agree with my fellow columnists that I am happy to see Evan Bourne evolve. I do feel, however, that there will be a glass ceiling on his push. Not to sound malicious, but with his cross-eyes (although it worked for Perry Saturn) and serious mic issues, but may take a while for Mr. Bourne to achieve anywhere near the greatness Rey Mysterio has. Also the Boogeyman is back (sarcasm!)! With worms! Speaking of worms, really nice column by the Turgid Worm and thank you for explaining your name (I should have gotten the Metal Gear reference) and I like that D.N.A. (Dawn of the New Age) acronym for a possible Orton faction. Speaking of video games, Krisp , thank you for sharing your pain with AKI developed wrestling games (let’s hope that the WWE Legends of Wrestlemania game borrow from that engine). Glad to see that our columnists are reading each others work and I think we are writing some pretty decent stuff, even compared to the bigger sites. People tell me all the time that they never write in, but they like my stuff. I really appreciate it, but feedback for us creates better columns, so tell me what you like or hate (I don’t mind a good old fashioned debate, either).

Positive response dictates that now I should post a video to cap off every column. It’s not very original on my part, but hey neither is consistently complaining about the product (you know who you are). I digress; since I mentioned Texas legends earlier, let’s not forget about a future Hall of Famer: Booker T. The “King” may have unceremoniously left the WWE after doing the job to Triple H (and was not very pleased with it) last year, but he has always been entertaining. Hopefully one day, bygones will be bygones and Book can take his rightful place in the Hall…although this won’t help. Here is a little clip from mid-90’s WCW you may be familiar with. Harlem Heat wanted a piece of Hulk Hogan and at one point in this video Booker T has the look on his face that says “Oh no you did not just say that?!” to himself. He may have been a King, G.I. Bro and was even present for the infamous Shockmaster incident, but you still cannot take the street out of Booker T:

Is Mean Gene a pro or what?

- Luscious Jonny F