All in all I must say that this was a very entertaining pay-per-view. Starting off the night by announcing Jeff Hardy had been found unconscious in his hotel room concerned me at first. A recent report on TWNP sites Paul Heyman as criticizing this move as insensitive given the circumstances surround the deaths of Guerrero, Pillman, and Benoit and it is not too much of stretch to see another tragedy happening with someone who has had the kind of troubles that Jeff Hardy has. I must say that when the announcement was first made I assumed Jeff was never going to be seen on WWE TV again. This thought didn’t linger long in my mind though, as I realized that if it was serious they probably wouldn’t mention it first thing live on the air. The next thing I thought was, “Christian, back already?” I was close…

The traditional Survivor Series bouts saw a lot of interesting match ups and effectively progressed a few fresh storylines. I am eager to see a long heated feud between JBL and HBK. To my recollection, the two have not worked together extensively before, and no one can doubt that the two are entertaining on the mic and more than capable in the ring. The important thing about these two, which goes back to why the Jericho/HBK feud was so successful, is that more than anything else these guys have two of the best minds in the business. They understand the psychology of wrestling and a wrestling storyline better than most others in the business today. JBL and Michaels are two guys the WWE should sign to lifetime contracts, because when they hang up the boots they stay on writers and put together some great programming.

The Undertaker vs Big Show match was cool and I always enjoy a good casket match. I’m glad this feud is over though as both could be used in other storylines. Having them together is like eating lobster and steak, while eat two main dishes in one meal? After what he saw at the end of the night, I assume ‘Take going to get reinserted into a program with Edge, if not for a brief period, one or two matches. I will be interested to see what happens with the title picture, being that Edge, HHH, ‘Taker, Hardy who was robbed by the new champ, and Kozlov who was never pinned in his challenge, should all be in the picture now.

I really enjoyed the finish to the Team Orton vs Team Batista finish. I hope they insert Batista into what has become a strange Orton/Rhoades/Manu storyline and let him wallow around in there for a few weeks, eventually putting Orton over as the top contender to Cena’s (kill me) title. I really like Orton the more I see him. He’s probably the best young star the WWE has and I expect them to someday rest RAW on his shoulders.

I liked the HHH vs Kozlov match a lot. The give and take, chess match feel of the early part of the bout elicited ‘boring’ chants from the Boston crowd, who not surprisingly went insane for Cena (nuff) at the end of the night. Some people just cannot appreciate good wrestling. I must say, however, that I am starting to get a little annoyed with the twist of injecting someone last minute into a title match and having him take the belt home. I know that is supposed to be the point. That is what makes Edge such an effective heel, is that his opportunism, manipulation of the rules, and callous disregard for the ‘honor’ of winning a title cleanly really grinds on people. But beginning soon I’d like to see title matches decided between the participants advertised. It was cool and interesting the first two times Edge won his title that way, thrilling when CM Punk did it, slightly shocking when Jericho did, and just down right aggravating this last time. I love Edge as a heel, but enough is enough.

Now it is time that I address what has been put off for a long time. Yes, ladies and gentleman, this paragraph is my obligatory Cena rant. If you are a Cena fan, I recommend you skip forward to the end of the column, as you’re not going to like what you read here. Let me be very clear in stating that I hate Cena. Not in the same way a mark hates the heel, but in the way that an original ECW fan would have hated WCW’s Hulk Hogan vs the Dungeon of Doom angle of the mid-90’s. He sucks. He’s a b!tch. I’ve been secretly plotting to pull some stunt along of the lines of dousing him with beer at a big entrance to a big match, or having a huge “Cena Sucks” in plain view of the TV or PPV camera, for years. “Why all the hatred and malice?” you ask? Its simple, there are two reasons. One: John Cena has gotten probably the biggest push in WWE history despite the fact that he is a mediocre wrestler at best. Two: His character/gimmick is stupid, self indulgent, and a pitiful rip off of two real talents. Allow me to elaborate. First, Cena can’t wrestle. I challenge anyone to show me a match of Cena’s where he does not botch at least 1 spot. Really. Comment on this column with a YouTube link or even just reference a match and I’ll try to find it. I’m serious. Every match I’ve ever seen of John Cena’s he has had at least 1 obvious and embarrassing botch. He just simply cannot wrestle. He is able to get around the ring to some degree, and that’s why I consider him a mediocre wrestler. If his talent determined his push he would never appear out of the lower-mid card. He would have been one of the first people Kozlov head-butt into oblivion in his initial push. Second, there are major problems with John Cena’s gimmick which overlap somewhat with his lack of wrestling ability. Cena is purely manufactured. By that I mean his character and position on the roster is completely contrived. To better explain, let me draw some comparisons. If you look at any of the top guys who have had Cena’s spot on WWE programming in the past, or as I would prefer to say, as the WWE would have you believe Cena is like, you might notice that guys had real talent and charisma. Hulk Hogan really started the booking tactic of resting a show on one major face. But he started off as a heel. In fact, so did Randy Savage, Bret Hart (Hart foundation was originally a heel tag-team), Shawn Michaels, Steve Austin, the Rock, Triple H, the Undertaker, and so on. All of the top guys in recent WWE history either started off as heels or spent substantial periods of their career before the lead role as a heel. In my view that is because these guys were all very charismatic and engaging, and all had the talent and ability, and therefore confidence, to perform in a role that got booed every night. The reason they took that top face position is because fans couldn’t help but like them and Vince couldn’t help but turn them face. It’s a simple matter of record. John Cena has never had a significant period of heel-dom. Let me restate, he has never had a period of WWE endorsed heel-dom, as he’s certainly been booed throughout the country. My point is that while Cena’s push is designed as if he has the magic of the Rock or Steve Austin, with his anti-authority positioning (or should I say anti-Vince, since his whole quasi-soldier schtick paints him as pro-authority) and aggressively populist rhetoric, the genuine talents of WWE’s past made those pushes for themselves. The Rocks, Austins, HBKs, etc. before Cena exhibited the attitude of “take me or leave me, I’m a bad a$$ either way,” Cena’s attitude comes off more as “please take me, because I can’t hang w/o this huge manufactured push.” It is my suspicion that Cena is Vince’s personal pet project to show himself and the world that he can make anyone a star. Well Vince, I’m not buying it.

Now that I’ve got that off my chest, lets move on to this weeks…

Turgid Worm’s RAW Impressions:

So the show starts off with some sibling rivalry between the interim GM Stephanie McMahon and big brother Shane. Definitely an interesting angle and McMahons have never had a problem in the past with emoting and getting the “acting” job done, so I’m interested. Though, this is not what I would necessarily call “fresh” or “innovative,” so, we’ll see what happens.
Turgid Is As Turgid Does: I would say “bring Vince back” but whenever he is around he dominates the whole show, so just leave things as they are now, I guess.

Possible face turn for JBL? He’s another one of these guys who I feel has the charisma and confidence to play either role. I’ve always liked him as a heel so I can’t picture him as a face. Either way, this little episode from the opening HBK/Mysterio vs. Miz/Morrison rematch is intriguing and has me guessing. Good stuff, I suppose.
Turgid Is As Turgid Does: A HBK vs JBL feud is a logical decision. I’m all for it. Though, it would be cool to see some Mysterio vs. Michaels matches, no?

I must say the Mr. Kennedy segment on RAW last week was flat-out dumb. While I enjoy seeing the man in the ring and while I think he is charismatic and engaging, this bit on RAW was simply pointless.
Turgid Is As Turgid Does: Figure out another way to keep Kennedy on TV if you’re trying to prepare him and the audience for big push for his return. There has to be another way, right?

The Slammy’s are back. Great.
Turgid Is As Turgid Does: Give Cryme Tyme a Slammy for “best portrayal of an offensive ethnic stereotype.”
… That was an attempt at humor. Thank you for your patience.

Finally, we’ve got an effort to restore some prestige in the IC title. I’m very happy to see the IC as it is always a good idea to showcase your mid-card in a competitive way (especially when you’ve got one as gifted as the WWE has now) and this will hopefully erase from the minds somewhat the idiocy of Santino’s reign. I’ve been calling for this for weeks. Having Patterson come out adds some history, honor, and class to the ordeal. I guess it takes having to promote a DVD to make the WWE realize they were doing themselves disfavor by ruining the IC title’s status. Having Kingston win by DQ was a good idea too, in that you keep Kane’s status as a monster heel while progressing the young exciting wrestler towards the title.
Turgid Is As Turgid Does: Regal is right, I would love to see an intense, technical Regal vs Punk feud over the IC title. But there are enough talented wrestlers in the mix that there are several ways you could run with this. Either way, I’m happy. Bravo WWE.

The triple threat match for the number one contender spot was surprisingly good, although technically Jericho should have had the spot anyways; that is, if you think the WWE should maintain some consistency in their booking, which if you’ve been watching long enough, you’ve given up on. Orton and Jericho carried Batista throughout this one, leaping into his arms for various spine busters and running right at him for the spear. Smart finish and good pacing though out.
Turgid Is As Turgid Does: Put the title back on Jericho. Or, put the title on Orton as some monster heel with a faction behind him. Have DiBiase return and take Cena’s role as super face? Either way, get the show off Cena, please.

Wait, is it 2008, almost 2009, and Goldust is back on WWE programming? While at the same time Paul London, Elijah Burke, and Kenny Dykstra are let go and Charlie Haas languishes on the edge of future-endeavorhood? I guess some things, scratch, a lot of things are more important in the WWE than talent and in-ring ability.
Turgid Is As Turgid Does: I’m so perplexed by this move, I don’t even know what to suggest….

So there it is. These are just my opinions and I am happy to discuss my views with anyone, so please respond and reply if you are ready to engage in a thoughtful conversation. Until next time: if its worth doing, its worth doing with turgidity!