Here’s what I wrote BEFORE Mania:

Jericho vs. Legends – I don’t think the creative think tank really knew where this was going. I could have told you Mickey Rourke was going to pull out of a fight (while I’m sure it was assumed that this would be the big celebrity showing WWE hoped for). My prediction (which I felt others later realized) was that Jericho would taunt “Randy the Ram” for not going through with the match (which has happened), picked on some legends, working his way up to Hulk Hogan (which many of us wanted). I guess Hogan really is banged up physically and mentally, so that didn’t happen (although I would bet the Hulkster will show up in some capacity). I’m just not sold on Jericho vs. Snuka, Piper and Steamboat. I saw Superfly in the ring about a year and a half ago at an indy show and he wore flip-flops during the match and doesn’t look good. Piper is the man and one of my favorites of all time, but there is no way he is losing that gut in time for this Sunday. Steamboat hasn’t wrestled since 1994 and I can’t see a white-haired, balding Dragon bouncing around the ring like he did with Flair 20 years ago (but I wouldn’t be surprised if Ricky still had some moves left). This is the most intriguing match of WM25 for me. Will it be a scenario where Jericho beats all 3 legends (and cornerman Ric Flair) then gets beat down by whatever legends are in attendance (think Arn Anderson, Dusty Rhodes), followed by Austin delivering a Stunner or three to Chris Jericho? I don’t know. I hope to see Hogan (we can’t have a 25th anniversary without the guy that packed in so many Manias) and I hope Mickey Rourke gets a stunner for his troubles too. And yes, I liked The Wrestler. I even own Diner too.

Legends Afterthought:

I knew The Dragon had some moves left, but I really felt like a kid again rooting for him to win with the small package. With a tear in Ric Flair’s eye, Steamboat somehow found the fountain of youth saving face for Piper and Snuka whose moves were best described as “bowling show ugly” (credit JR for that analogy). Not Ricky Steamboat, though. Within an arm drag (still the best in the business), I knew it was on. I don’t care what fellow columnist thinks the 10 man tag match on Raw was a waste, I thought it was a cool concept. Some of the best workers (sans Undertaker/HBK) work a match. It’s simple and Ricky Steamboat got a curtain call he truly deserves. The fans chanting “You still got it!” and calling for him before he was even tagged was truly amazing for a guy that hadn’t competed in nearly 15 years. It legitimately gave me goose bumps (which is EXTREMELY rare for me with today’s product) and I found myself cheering on The Dragon to get the pinfall. The double splash off the top with Mysterio was good enough and John Cena insisting Steamboat take a curtain call was even better. Say what you will about Cena, but he is an old school fan at heart. He even wished Saturday Night’s Main Event’s theme would become the original “Obsession” by Animotion again (if you get that reference, you rock). Note to Vince: don’t ruin Ricky’s return to greatness by having him embarrassed in the next several weeks (Hogan had that title run in 02, but also had Mr. America in 03). Speaking of the Hulkster, it’s a damn shame we couldn’t at least see him in attendance, that’s all I really wanted (that and maybe see Savage too). It was the perfect time to showcase the legends (minus the Hall of Fame of course), but the WWE blew it. Not all was lost this Wrestlemania…

My peers have been waaay to harsh on this event. Yes, it didn’t deliver on all cylinders, but it wasn’t really booked to be all that great (there weren’t even that many matches). Note to Vince #2: Kid Rock has NOT been relevant in ten years, that was difficult to sit through, but it was worth cutting the tag title match, right? After all, the event is called WRESTLEmania, let’s not give the people what they want by actually having wrestling (please understand the sarcasm there, gang). Anyway if I wrote this column on Sunday night, I would have been drunk ( though not as drunk as D Ray Morton on the “Poopamania” column, by far the weirdest and funniest columns I’ve ever read on this site and I’ve been reading the columns long before I got my own. Nonetheless, that was a compliment, I think. Good job?). Beer aside, I also would have said HBK/Taker was one of the best (maybe Top 5) WM matches of all time. After watching the match again and sobering up, I stand by my opinion 100%. Turgid Worm pointed out 2 more in my Top 5, Angle/Benoit and, of course Savage/Steamboat. Interesting to note that WWE 24/7 (or whatever they call it now) excluded Angle/Benoit from the WM 17 replay (and the gimmick battle royal!!!), making me rethink my subscription to the service. Benoit may go down as a murderer, but if you are offended by him, fast-forward the match altogether, but don’t shortchange the fans. Anyway, here are my aforementioned Top, let’s say 10 Wrestlemania matches in NO ORDER (it’s all to close to call):

1. Ricky Steamboat vs. Matt Bourne (later known as the first, evil Doink)
2. David Sammartino vs. Brutus “I’m Not The Barber Yet” Beefcake
3. Jake Roberts vs. George Wells
4. Bart Gunn vs. Butterbean
5. Adrian Adonis vs. Uncle Elmer (best described as Steamboat/Flair before Steamboat/Flair)
6. Tenryu and Kitao vs. Demolition (Smash and ugh, Crush)
7. Bam Bam Bigelow and Luna Vachon vs. Doink the Clown and Dink
8. Rocky Maivia vs. The Sultan
9. T & A (Test and Albert) vs. Head Cheese (Al Snow and Steve Blackman) (with Chester McCheeserton, no, I’m not making that up either)
10. Triple H vs. Randy Orton

April Fools!
Everyone’s done a Top 10 (or something) about Mania moments; maybe I’ll do that column another time. Anyway, Taker/Michaels was phenomenal and I will not bother rehashing what everyone else has said about it before, but get used to seeing it in highlight packages for a long time, folks. Other than that, it’s a series of matches that I am not going to waste my time bitching about (everyone else has). Cena impressed me by lifting up Big Show and Edge for the FU and Money In The Bank always delivers. Everyone always clamors for that Christian (silly smarks, Vince didn’t even want him back), but what about Shelton Benjamin??? I loved all of his spots, especially when he powerbombed MVP out of the ring when “Montel” botched the hell out of that sunset flip from the ladder. Anyway, those are my Wrestlemania thoughts, one more thing…

Tazz – What the hell?!?! My absolute favorite color commentator since Jesse Ventura and Bobby Heenan is gone. Supposedly, he needed to “recharge his batteries.” Other sources claim he didn’t like Vince’s aggressive style of management from the headset. I always wondered if the former human suplex machine got along with Vince. My main problem is why right before Mania? What’s another 5 days? From what I gather it will be a 3 man team of JR, The King and Michael Cole. Two play by play guys just don’t work in my opinion. That could have been a mess, but the little shots between JR and Cole are kind of funny. Note to Lawler (and I know it’s not the “direction” you are given over the headset): be a heel announcer. It’s so much more fun to listen to as a fan. Besides how many people is Vince going to chase out of the announce position? We now have Tazz, Mick Foley, Mike Adamle (thank you for that one), Jonathan Coachman and Joey Styles. That’s just in one year’s time! All time we have Jim Ross, Stan Lane, Ken Resnik, Mike McGuirk, Bruce Pritchard (pre-Brother Love), Pete Doughtery, Superstar Billy Graham, Roddy Piper, Randy Savage, Jim Ross, Kevin Kelly, Dr. Tom Pritchard, Sean Mooney, Nick Bockwinkel, Craig DeGeorge (Adamle of the 80s), Johnny Polo, Hillbilly Jim and Jim Ross. I bet I missed someone, but you get the point (you bet your ass I didn't need Wikipedia for all those names, either). Those were just the guys that didn’t work out and were future endeavored at sometime or another. Who’s going to replace Tazz on Smackdown? We can’t have JBL and JR on the same show, this ain’t UWF or WCW here. I nominate Matt Striker and I think he will work very well with JR and respect him. I thought Tazz worked better with Michael Cole and thought JR was too old fashioned for him at times. Striker has that old school way of telling a story that Gorilla Monsoon thrived on, but apparently it's Todd Grisham in the short term (hopefully). I guess Joey Styles will do the History of ECW alone (bring in Tommy Dreamer for that).

Anyway, I can still write a good column every now and again (I still try my hardest to never phone it in), the business is not at it’s strongest, but I still like some things. Personal life and work aside, wrestling-wise I’ve gotten my fix from The Best of Saturday Night’s Main Event DVD (a really great set, almost everything I can ask for from that series) and the Summerslam Anthology 1988-1992 (not all as good as I remember, but still very entertaining).

Thanks to the power of YouTube, my buddies and I have been trying to embarrass each other on Facebook by posting Andre the Giant videos on each other’s wall, you know, so girls and co-workers can know how mature we have become. Anyway, this is one of my favorites, especially Andre (possibly drunk?) speaking at the 4:00 mark.

“Because it’s easy muuuuunnnnney. Hahaha It’s not just easy munney but it gunna ta be easy night!” 21 years later, I still don’t understand Andre, yet somehow it makes sense.

-Luscious Jonny F