There Goes The Pain

I recently read a really great article on 411mania.com on a forgotten classic (that being a Summerslam 99 match between D-Lo Brown and Jeff Jarrett). So most matches with Jarrett attached aren’t exactly Steamboat-Flair to me, but the column was so comprehensive and well written, I could not help but believe that it actually was a “classic.” D-Lo’s career was also very well documented and as a fan of his (who also saw his short-lived WWE return late last year), it was justice to a guy who had all of the tools necessary to be a superstar. For those who may have forgot, D-Lo paralyzed Droz with a botched running Liger Bomb and was never the same after that, stuck with bad gimmicks and just kind of fizzled out. D-Lo was an example that several fans forget, but I’d like to talk about one who still gets major publicity today and while his WWE career was short-lived, can easily be considered the greatest short-term superstar the business may ever produce…

“He is the Michael Jordan of this business” – Paul Heyman

“I don’t think anyone can take him” – Kurt Angle

“Brock Lesnar is untouchable” – Jim Ross

Batista may be the Animal, Gregory “They Can’t Call Me Sugar Shane” Helms maybe have been a super hero, but Brock Lesnar in a WWE ring was simply super human. WWE Classics On Demand recently showed Brock Lesnar: Here Comes The Pain. No wrestler that I can think of (challenge me readers) has ever been pushed so quickly in such a short period of time...and completely lived up to the hype. People that have wrestled for 30 years don’t have the resume Brock Lesnar had in 2 brief years. A short list of accomplishments speaks for itself:

2002 King of the Ring – Pinfall on Rob Van Dam
3 Time WWE Champion – Defeating The Rock & Kurt Angle (2x)
Youngest WWE Champion (NOT World Champion, I know that was Randy Orton just to spite Brock after he left)
2003 Royal Rumble Winner
Defeating The Undertaker in Hell In A Cell (reversing the Tombstone into an F-5 no less), in the greatest HIAC of all time at No Mercy 2002

Paul Heyman has gone on record that the Hell in a Cell match was the greatest match he was associated with (Mr. Evil Genius himself). Even when he lost the title, he lost it to Big Show but still managed to F-5 him with broken ribs. Big Show’s career was even revitalized after wrestling Brock. Who could forget the superplex that destroyed the Smackdown ring? Who could forget The Shooting Star Press at Wrestlemania 19!?!?! It was an amazing, horrific, surreal moment I will never forget. I thought he was dead. I thought he would never wrestle again. Shortly after that he feuded with John Cena and helped put Cena on the map (bringing out the best in Cena too). Even driving a forklift to defeat the Big Show to win the first stretcher match in 17 years (up to that point). He did this all when he was my age too (mid-twenties, so much for my budding wrestling career). Was there anything he couldn’t do? Brock had it all, but lacked the most important quality he had to be the best ever. He was not a true professional wrestling fan. Brock was a wrestler’s wrestler, sure, but he did not give a damn about the history of the business. In a recent interview on ESPN, he even said he never watched it as a kid. When he was a kid, Hulkamania was in its apex. When he was a kid the WWF ruled the world. Flair, Hogan, Michaels, even Triple H and Cena truly love this business. Lesnar says it was a quick way to earn money and Brock was honest, he wanted a real fight. By the time Wrestlemania 20 came around, the man Brock drew early comparisons to (if only because of a winning streak and dominance NOT ability) Goldberg, was ready to clash with him on the grand stage. At the 20th anniversary of the greatest spectacle in wrestling, any real superstar who was a fan would give it their all. I already knew Goldberg couldn’t go, but Brock just didn’t want to that day. He phoned it in and already had his mind set on his next challenge. He thought he literally could to anything, so an unrealistic attempt at football with the Minnesota Vikings flopped (you just don’t do pro football when you’re 28). Brock went to Japan capturing the IWGP title in 2005, but lawsuits and contracts prevented Brock from competing stateside in a pro wrestling ring again.

“He’s like Michael Jordan in his last season. Enjoy it while you can cause when it’s gone it’s gone. That’s how I feel about Brock, he’s a phenom.” – Hurricane Helms

Who would have thought The Hurricane would be so right? Brock is dominating UFC and people wonder just who will beat him. I even made it a point to watch his match against Randy Couture because I know Brock is the type of individual that when he sets his mind to something he can be untouchable. UFC and MMA is cool and all, but I’m pro wrestling first, always will be. Man, do I miss Brock Lesnar though. Some fans chanted, “Goldberg!” when Lesnar first hit the scene. They couldn’t have been any more off. Brock has IT. Not some flash in the pan. Not some stiff, uncharismatic, not nearly as talented guy like Bobby Lashley (proving that the WWE REALLY wanted another Brock). The WWE wants Brock Lesnar back. Like a hot girl that is a complete b*tch, that you physically cannot resist, they would take him back in a second (they already tried in 2005). I watched Randy Orton (who has really improved verbally and ability wise) put the audience to sleep with Triple H (not the first WM main event he came up extremely short). I want to see Brock-Michaels, Brock-Taker (again), Brock-Big Show (again), Brock-anyone rather than the Batistas that I am forced to believe have “it.” They don’t and when Brock Lesnar is washed up Ken Shamrock-style in the UFC and wants a quick buck in the WWE, they will take him back…and I will watch. And if you want to see a good match so will you.

Apparently, Someone Else Has Brought The Pain.

The pain was brought on TWNP and my invite was lost in the mail. I get it, I’m a wily veteran of two years (that was quick) and my professional career has derailed my writing on this site, but I have never stopped watching and enjoying the business. If I have nothing of good quality to say, I don’t. If you want results or bitch fest rants, read elsewhere. If Joey Styles were to read this site (after all, it’s not like he oversees a website that reaches millions of hits), he would read the rivalry of D Ray Morton and Trev “3 Cents” Winters and again scream, “Oh My Goddd!!!” D Ray says when referring to the writers here, “They are all morons and idiots and they don't know much about the industry, they worry about petty things like, JR's commentating or the order of the f*cking matches on a PPV.” Well, I would like to think he meant the consistent writers. I guarantee there is not another writer on this site that knows more about the business than yours truly (could be a good or bad thing too, the tapes and DVDs DO cost money). So kids, new readers, casual fans, say it with me, “Cheap Heat.” That is all it is. Bubba Ray, D-Von, D Ray Ricky Morton come on, writing a wrestling column is not that stressful. I’ve been emailed dozens of times telling me to write for a site that will pay me, but I don’t because TWNP lets me post whenever I want with no consistency. Quite frankly, if the site where more organized, great. Its not and that is fine by me. I stumbled on to this site from a friend because there was little load time in our old dial-up connected computers in my college dorm (I am really dating myself there). So I kept coming back, I eventually found myself reading the older columns and they were entertaining to a degree, so I applied to become one and here I am. I could bitch about the website, but as a graphics and content contributor on a professional website, it takes a lot of time and effort to maintain, so I stand by TWNP. So D Ray Morton vs. Trev Winters. D Ray is completely out of line and Trev Winters won’t really defend himself. The edge goes to D Ray, he was obnoxious in his TNA rebuttal, but strangely I really enjoyed it. It feels like rooting for a heel and I love that he ripped TNA, I’ve been doing it for years here. I’ve even had to sit through BS columns nearly 4 years ago talking about how Christian would be the savior and face of TNA back in 2005. Well that didn’t exactly pan out and TNA can go straight to hell; I’m tired of hearing about it.

Luscious Side notes:

The draft happened and it was no different than rearranging your apartment (or your parents basement for some of you). That’s why I chose not to write an unfunny picture show of a post (why waste my time and your sanity). Big deal and the supplemental draft means that if a minor, low card guy was drafted onto a show that’s already stacked, he may be out of a job VERY soon. I just hope my boy The Brian Kendrick can get some sort of push (if he was 6’6 and had no talent he’d be fine somehow).

I read an interview on this very site with Jeff Jarrett from Newsday. Regarding the McMahons, Jarrett said, “I’ll say there’s a personal relationship with the entire McMahon family and Jeff Jarrett. As far as a working relationship – absolutely not. We’re competitors. But a personal relationship? The entire McMahon family was very, very good to me during the passing of my wife, and that’s something I’ll never forget.” Regardless of all the “wrestling war” BS that internet reporters make up between WWE and TNA, it was very pleasing to see that WWE in some capacity extended its condolences to Jarrett. Double J may have professionally bogged down TNA for many years, but is still a man with a family that has ups and downs like you and I. Props to the WWE for that act of class.

All in all, I think there maybe some good columnists left on this site (Krisp, where are ya?). I guess folks want to shake things up, I can dig that. I know what you might be thinking; did I post this column purposefully this Thursday night? Does anybody really care? I could say I’ll post whenever I want, but I do, to a degree, want to respect my peers wishes, so the Luscious Thursday will likely a one off, as far as my reasoning, well…..

“Learn to love it, learn to live with it, diamonds are forever and so is Ric Flair!!!”

"When Ric Flair is in town, things are takin' place." I miss Naitch.

-Luscious Jonny F