Lets get my writer bashing out of the f*cking way. I'm extremely mad, thanks to the massive amounts of video editing for clients that I have to do that is due on Friday, so I'm not putting much thought into this, I'm just gonna spew whatever venom is on the top of my head.

My writing blows/sucks/is awful, but I take solace that I am a better writer than Luscious. Granted, he has been here longer than me, but that doesn't make a good columnist. To be generous with words, Johnny's column is inconsistent and unstable, in the sense that he disappears for weeks or months at a time and just doesn't have it together. Its definitely a case of sh*t or get off the pot. Its not like he's writing Pulitzer Prize-type articles. He is writing some trite words about his thoughts on shows, which is cute, but 411mania has that every day. I'd have used TWNP's site, but they don't have columns every day. And Johnny's a great example of the mentality that the site used to/kind of is, right now. Webby (webmaster) doesn't care when people come or go, but thats whats wrong. Johnny is part of the problem and not part of the solution. If I were Webby, i would cut him loose (fire him, for you Kansas City dyslexic rednecks).

I was going to bust out a trirade about Feras Ballout but I feel bad for busting his balls, while he has a wicked name. I can't come to bash the guy... just yet. I'll let it fester, just like my Chris Benoit dead joke column. Its coming, but its not quite ready yet. He's kind of calmed down on the stupid posts, like Joey Styles having a Twitter account and the fake story about Jeff Hardy giving notice to WWE.

I have wanted to do 411Mania's Fact or Fiction for a long time, so since they won't let me, I might as well just steal their Fact or Fiction questions and put my own thoughts. If you don't know how Fact or Fiction works, YOU SUCK. Basically, they give you a topic and if you agree, you say Fact. If you disagree, you say Fiction. Get it? Its not really rocket science, so lets get to it.

1. WWE made the right call by putting the World Title on Edge.
D Ray Morton: FACT: Not the way it should've happened, but at least I went to sleep happy that Edge won. I've already touched on the Super Cena issue in this column, so the fact that Edge is now ready for a super-duper awesome feud. Here's how I would book the next few months of his reign.

R-Truth is up for a record contract in Japan, but Edge reads about it on the Internet and he confronts Count Blackula (my nickname for R-Truth, quasi-racist but at least I didn't call him Uncle Remus) and challenges him to a Record Deal on a pole match. Edge wins, records a parody rap song (Rap is Crap!) and releases it. It obviously tanks and sells zero copies. Count Blackula comes out, makes fun of Edge. The next week, Edge breaks into Blackula's home, slaps on the Crossface Crippler on Truth's wife and kid and leaves them lying motionless. He puts a couple of bibles next to their bodies and calls Compton police (where else do you think Blackula lives?) and blames it all on Truth. Truth is hauled into jail and Vince shows up on TV freaking, the f*ck, out. He makes a new gimmick match for Extreme Rules PPV: First Sodomy Rules. First one to pull down the other's tights and penetrate him wins.

2. CM Punk should not have lost to Kane at Backlash.
D Ray Morton : FACT: I think everyone and their mother picked fact on this. Why do I have a feeling that they are going to pull another 6 month losing spree? The 'E is so bankrupt, creatively, that they just don't know how to turn heels/faces and vice versa without going on a long losing spree. Oh, 1999, how I miss you dearly. When you would use people's emotion to turn wrestlers. You'd think that after last year's Jericho terrific turn from face to heel, they would have thought "Ohhh yeah... thats how you do it." Alas, they have not learned a thing. Maybe thats why every TV show last week had a smaller audience than the week before.


3. Randy Orton's Title victory is not as important as it could have been, considering it took place in a 6-man tag team match.
D Ray Morton : FACT: The stupidest thing about the match was Randy Orton high-tailing it out of ring area 30 seconds into the match when HHH was chasing him. I understand that he's playing the chicken-sh*t heel, but there's a difference between a coward and someone who just doesn't want to fight. Flair played the coward perfectly, because he lead people into traps. He'd run around, slide in the ring and catch them off guard. What they are saying is that Orton has neither brains, nor brawn. At least if he sprinted and baited HHH into a trap (example: Orton runs around the ring, HHH chases, Legacy attack HHH). But Orton ran from the ring, with HHH chasing, then Triple H stops and like, okay, he's gone, back to da ring. Then about 2 mins later, Orton returns.

THATS RETARDED. Whoever thought this out should be fed a sperm burrito and fired, because if you're going to do something, short-term or long term, it has to make sense. If it leads to Legacy breaking up, then they can point back to this, but you could do it so many ways, without it hurting the match. There was NO WAY, and I mean, NO WAY, Orton wasn't going to return to the match. Faces NEVER have a handicap match. Not EVER. If you think you are smart and have a deep knowledge of pro wrestling, I dare you to challenge me on this issue. Email me and I will disprove you. There have been ATTEMPTS for a face-sided handicap match, but it never truly happens. So I just drank my beer relentlessly, until Orton came out. You see what I'm doing here? I'm not bitching about the match, but the structure and context which its held in. Who ever booked this match is a f*cking idiot. Plain and simple. This is WCW-bad stipulations. TNA is bad but WCW was the worse. This is almost David Arquette stipulation bad. I know I rag on TNA for sucking but this stip puts them right up there with Dixie & Co.

TWITTER
I don't use it, but Ashish says he'll stop paying me if I don't put this here…

DRM SZ: Csonka suXXX0rs
Actually, Csonka probably gets paid in blowjobs from Ashish, so I can't blame him for not wanting to lose those. ROTFLMMFAO

4. You are not surprised that TNA had Bobby Lashley appear on PPV before signing a contract.
D Ray Morton : FICTION: TNA should have no one under contract. That way Vince could raid their talent. TNA talent WISHES Vince was interested in them. Even after the Chris Harris abortion project, they would still ditch TNA in a heartbeat for Vince. He has that kind of power. Hell, I know some indy wrestler who would suck a dog's d*ck for a try-out/dark match in WWE. So, I am surprised that TNA would allow Lashley to appear on TV, knowing that he could basically f*ck the company at the drop of a hat. You'd figure TNA would've learned from Shannon Moore and Lex Lovett and so many others. If TNA's happy with getting screwed, why wait? Why don't they just bring in Buff Bagwell (or is that bring back?) and dipsh*t Scott Norton and idiot boy DDP and uber-stiffmiester Meng/Haku all the other host of former WCW crazies that they haven't brought in yet. I really wanted to mention Chris Kanyon but I remember him showing up on Impact in 2006 and that went over like a fart in a church. 



5. Paul London should have been up front about his back injury when he cancelled on his TNA booking.
D Ray Morton : FICTION: No offense, but if I had a bad back and had no job, I'd be shifty too. If it were me, I would lie, cheat and steal my way into TNA, wrestle one match, announce that TNA f*cked my back up with their sh*tty ring and I'd cash in the insurance policy. Its a dog eat dog world kids and the only way you'll get a head is to stab people in the back. If you need to hide a disability, so you can cash in later. Do you want to live in your parents basement for the rest of your life? I think London did the right thing. Those "Please Don't Die" chants in ROH didn't pay the bills, so sometimes, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

2 for 5


6. TNA made the right call when the released Petey Williams, Sonjay Dutt and others in order to freshen up the roster with the returning Amazing Red and Jethro Holiday (Trevor Murdoch). 

D Ray Morton : FACT: Sonjay Dutt sucks. Good riddance. Thats what he gets for not taking steroids and being a small wiener. He can flippy-flop around the ring all he wants but it won't be on Impact and thats fine with me. Maybe if he would've adopted the Vinnie Vegas gimmick Nash bestowed upon him, he could have enough Indian Rupees to buy a house in Mumbai and GTFO of this great country. USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!