So, normally I post on my coveted Thursday time slot, which somehow, made a bunch of writers mad. HOW DARE I CARE ABOUT READERS! Call me a softie (wimp) but somehow, I feel consistentcy isn't a bad thing, its a good thing! LOLz I quoted DDP. I'm hip.

So this column is more of a gift for the sh*ttyness that I brought down on my readers from the last column. HTML formatting isn't my cup of tea. Downloading bit torrent files of MMF porn is. Since MMF porn doesn't have any relevance to this site (damn you webby!), I thouht I should throw up a column as a way to make ammends with my readers. I'll try to be entertaining, while still keeping with my consistently bad writing. Only now, you won't have to endure my crappy HTML formatting issues. And if you still hate my writing after this (most people will), then I don't know what to say. Maybe I'll start an internet feud with Csonka and 411mania can "invade" us and to settle the score, we can have E-Fed matches. Luscious Johnny can take on JD Dunn. Personally, Dunn's columns are the bee's knees as far as I'm concerned (that means the best), so would have me booked as showing up during the match and swerving Luscious, costing him the match. By the way, if you have no idea what 411mania or an E-Fed is, then, well, you're not a real wrestling fan and you should go read Trev Winters column. That wasn't a burn, it was a plug.

SO, probably half the clicks came to see how I would react to the wicked gent who promoted me. I honestly don't have a retort. I agree with everything he says. I've admitted long ago that my writing sucks, that I do, indeed, have a sharp wit. In fact, I would go so far as to say a VERY sharp wit and I curse to high hell. if you were a regular writer, you would know Webmaster extradinaire doesn't want writers to curse. I just so happy to say sh*t f*ck, p*ss c*ck c*nt every day of my life. And I hope I am a flash in the pan, because if I am writing internet columns at 40 years old, I'll f*cking hang myself, using the cord from one of my exercise machines. And I didn't know heel columnists could exist. I was just writing whatever I wanted. I thought I was a tweener, but if you want to label me a heel, then I will run with it! At least you're not making me wear a dress like Vito and then I gotta sell the dress gimmick.

Here's my heel persona.....

Oh and one last thing:
Infighting and ridiculous rants on your co-columnists is not entertaining in the long-run, is not professional.
Isn't that what you're doing, Mr. Hypocrite? Far beit for me to call the kettle black, but I challenge the writers, in public and in private, to be better and not settle for mediocrity. I also gave valid reasons why they can do better. You're just saying I suck. No offense bud, but I knew I sucked long before your magnum opus. I must now be repackaged as Stone Cold circa 2000, after he was run down by a mystery man. Let my witch hunt begin! OHHHHH HELLLLL YEAHHHHH! I'm on a mission, just like Austin! To unravel the mystery man who threatened to strike me down! What? To hurt my feelings! What? Pass me a beer! Whattt? A beer! Huh? A g*d damn beer ya sommamabitch!! *stunners computer! OHHHH HELL YEAH!!! F*ck you IP Trace! *middle finger* F*ck your glass ceiling!!
Wait, that last one was me channelling RVD.
So, writers, beware, over the course of the next 8 weeks, I'm going to be doing my own investigation and neither you, nor Commissioner Foley is going to stop me!

And to prove that I'm exactly like Austin, I'm gonna start by beating my wife(s).
Whew, all this Austin talk is making me hungry for some domestic abuse. So, what better time to bust out my Chris Benoit dead jokes column. By and large, most of the jokes suck, but they can mostly be found on any joke site. I just happen to be the sicko that posts them all in one column. You're welcome!

How do you get Chris Benoit to stop hanging around your house?

Cut him down.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Chris Benoit?

One's a child-molesting singer and the other one is a dead wrestler with a gap in his teeth.

Which wrestler can be used for stimulation of the anus during sexual intercourse while he's strangling his retarded son to death? 

Chris Benoit

Here's something that will really creep you out:
Aparently, here's police photos of the crime scene. Who knows if these are real. Don't worry, there's no dead bodies in this. If you have links to the corpses, I'd love to check them out. And if you're wondering, yes, I really am that sick. If you watch this video, you're just as sick.

And in case things got awkward, here's a light-hearted, feel good comedic moment....

So, this is my little column. Join me Thursday for my ongoing investigation for the mystery columnist who threatened to derail my high-paying writing job.