Listen up smarts, because I'm going to break some news that will Blow. Your. Mind.

Matt Hardy doesn't really have a broken hand. People have been reporting this as legit for weeks, and I should've touched on this last week, but I was too busy ranting on Super Cena. Personally, I thought the article would've been much more interesting if I had mentioned twenty ways which Lucious Johnny touches himself (and why our email banter makes for the highlight of my day. NO! Scratch that. Our email banter/replies are the highlight of my life. Lucious Johnny completes me. <3). Personally, I love reading Johnny's columns, in the sense that I like watching car crashes. I'm far from being a contender for the Warwick Prize of Writing, but John-John's literary skills typically trite. Trite but cute. I mean, who wouldn't want to read his rules of life? I can picture him on a mountain-top reading his rules from life carved in stone to the masses.

If you're curious, yes, that was a Moses reference. When you clicked on this article, did you really expect Bible references? Probably not.

Alas, John, you are the apple of my eye. I adore your long-winded, expletive-laden diatribes. Its kind of like a Kevin Smith movie, only without the wit.

Okay, enough inside jokes, readers. That is very monotenous and boring. So, here's the news to end all news. The one that will freakin' make you cream yourself several times over. Matt Hardy's broken hand is a work and anything you've read about it being legit is BS. Even the reports on this site. I would've emailed the reporters first, but publicly exposing them all as hacks is much more gratifying.

How good was this work? Well the booker came up with the ending as a way to make it look dangerous, which would be easily believed that an injury can come out of it. So, when the new angle took over, people would buy right into it. Hell, its not that hard to fool the IWC, when you think things through. Kind of like Pillman's worked/shoot angle back in 1995/96. When you work enough people, the whole angle cliques. Which is why real life feuds (Bret/HBK, Foley/Flair, Sullivan/Benoit (which the world was swerved when Sullivan was revealed as the mastermind who killed Nancy and Daniel and blamed Benoit... oops, that hasn't come out yet! Nvrmind!).

So the point is, Hardy's not really hurt, he's just channelling Owen circa 1998, which isn't all that bad. Too bad Hardy has to use a gimmick that's been done to death (see: D-Low Brown, Ace Orton, Owen, and someone in ROH, but I'm too lazy to Wikipedia it). Matt Hardy, if you're curious why I hate you, its because you're not that innovative. You used to jump off things and were a 3rd rate spot monkey, and had some misfortune, however, stealing an idea that was overkill in 1998 and trying to re-establish it, is absolutely pathetic. Get a real angle, jabroni. Don't you wish you would've went to TNA where they would've put the NWA Heavyweight Championship on you? I don't know whats worse, my short wrestling columns, or your short wrestling ability.