|Column Posted by The Great Hambino on 3:00:45 PM Sep 19, 2010
The Art of the Sell
Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls children of all ages lets get ready to SEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL IIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT,
Hallo everybody I'm from Holland. Isn't that weird? Not really so I am the new columnist here at TWNP. I know I know they will let anyone write for them. No but seriously I am going to get into this but I have a few things I will say first. 1. I am not serious writer. I write like I talk. I don't care about proper sentence construction or anything of that sort. 2. I am not nor was I a wrestler, that does not make me any less knowledgeable as anybody else. You will learn some shit from me. 3. I don't care what you say about me. You can rip on me about whatever you want. Doesn't bother me whatsoever. You can call me a bleeding vagina douche. But be prepared for me to go right back at you and make you look stupid. So a little background on me before we start. Now I never ever ever wrestled I have always wanted to but didn't want it bad enough to go for it. PUUUSSSSYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! Yeah I know. I am 29 and I have been watching since I was 5. I still remember watching every wrestling video I could get my hands on when I was 6 7 8 9 . I don't remember I just remember living in Cali and the video store down the street had tapes from the late seventies and early 80's of everything from starrcade to stars of wrestling volume 6. Volume 5 had my favorite match. A 20 person battle royal that Jimmy hart won by hiding under the ring waiting for Andre to climb over the top rope when he thought he won. Now mind you this wasn't AWA WWF or NWA this was territory wre4sling but they still put out videos. I still can mark out for people....I have met 1 wrestler in my life and the was Brutus Beefcake and I still will watch Wrestlemania 4 and cheer for him to beat the honker.
Now enough about me and my babbling. Bet you got bored. Well the first article will be on the art of selling. What is the numero uno thing wrong in wrestling? Promos? No thats a close second. The talking all throughout a show? Nope....THESE MOTHA F**KAS CANT SELL SHIT.......Yes I swear gratuitously. All these guys either don't sell a move at all or short sell it. If you look at the greatest wrestlers of all time you will see they could sell a move. Now there is always the exception but all in all they could sell. Who is the greatest seller in the world of wrestling BRET THE HITMAN HART. Nothing prettier than watching Bret go face first into a turnbuckle and it looked like he was hurt and he didn't come back and throw out a super tiger power bomb through the ring right after taking it either. Bret would sell sell sell hurt all match and when he finally came back he did it in a matter that he seemed like he took a beating all match and pulled this win from the depth of his testicles. Now kayfabe is gone the art of the sell is all we have people. John Cena can sell moves and does so through out a match. Hell sometimes he over sells but then BAM he is flying through the air five knuckle shufflin into the AA. Now A. if the big show keeps beating your ass all night there is no way in hell in a cell are you going to be able to throw him up for the AA. This sport has turned into Superman and the spot whores. We get so enamored with high spots that we consider a match like the Beer Money MCMG awesome because of all the spots. All I gotta say is FLAIR VS STEAMBOAT to you spot whoring dickbags. A flying cross body was a high spot. Now those guys sold the moves you thought they were hurting they made shit realistic. You wanna know how important selling is. Mick Foley is who he is because he could sell moves. Has anyone seen him do a powerbomb huracanrana enziguri backflip. F**K NO look for him doing a bodyslam. I don't think I have ever seen him body slam someone. He just runs around punches the shit out of you gives you some knees in the corner and kicks. Gets the shit beat out of him and throws a sock in your mouth, or DDTS you. Now obviously you can't just be a good seller. You have to have promo skills, the look, charisma and all that shit. Brian Kendrick can sell and promo. Hell he almost has the look but damn he is way too small. He is why they need to bring back the cruiserweights and to also push the X Division(minus Doug Williams tell that douche to grab his wrist and f**k off). Hell Hogan sold and he did the comeback the right way. I used to think Hogan was in trouble all the time. Remember when they had people send stuff in because Earthquake f**ked him up on the brother love show. I sent him a note and my beloved LA Dodgers sticker(because it thought he was a dodger fan being from Cali and all). I miss kayfabe it made selling that much easier and better. The announcers also could help create sellers if they wanted. Hell JR helped make The Rock and Stone Cold awesome. But that is for another article. I can go on and on but instead I will give you a list of the best sellers and be gone. Now this will be guys from the 80's to now because thats what I know the best. Bruno Sammartino could have been awesome but I havent watched a match of his since 1988 but it was boring as shit then and probably still is.
6. Randy Savage
9.John CENA SIKE BITCHES....Chris Jericho/Owen Hart
10.Rickey Morton …..now I will admit I never watched a lot of the Rock N Rolls they were not really my cup of tea but hell they named a term of selling after the guy Playing Rickey Morton
Peace and Chicken Grease
The Great Hambino
P.S. Yes I do love caps. And yes I am a loud talker in person