BAD BAD BAD !!!(sticky micky)

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BAD AS BAD CAN BE!

Hello to all my legions of fans across the globe. When I say legions I mean like the “Legion of Doom” – you know, two. And when I say across the globe – what I really mean is I’m lying like a bitch and I have no fans to call my own.

In fact, this depressive mindset has left me feeling helpless, as if I will never have a fan – sure, I earn a decent salary as professional consultant to the Church of Scientology – but for some reason, I just can’t afford to buy a fan of my own.

I know you’re not supposed to “buy” fans, there is supposed to be a sufficient ventilation system installed, but my small office at the HQ of the Church of Scientology gets really stuffy in the afternoon, and they won’t get me a fan.

Oh well, at least my wage of £10 a week covers my food and accommodation at Church HQ: and I only get tied up and brainwashed 4 days a week, so I can’t complain.

Anyway… Today, I’d like to talk about ‘selling’ moves. Sure, it’s great to see someone like Sheamus or Mark Henry dominate with offence, but which wrestlers in the WWE are the most talented recipients of those moves?

Basically… who makes these moves look the best?

I bring to you…
…the Top Three ‘sellers’ in the WWE today;

#03 – The Miz – Sure, I’ve said in the past that I despise the Miz – but you know what? He’s won me over! He has a pretty good arsenal of offensive manoeuvres, and his smack-talk on the microphone is impressive. Mainly since he’s started teaming with R-Truth have I really started to get behind him, but now I guess I would say I’m a fan of the Miz.
And as far as ‘SELLING’ goes, the Miz makes his opponents moves look better than most guys. Even though he’s not a big guy or a high flier, he is rather unorthodox in his style, but truth be told, it works. And I notice he puts a lot of effort into his opponents spots, too – so he’s no limelight hog. To me it seems like he gives his all to look hurt when he’s getting a beat down… and why? To make the opponent look good and to make the show look better. Clever wrestler.

#02 – Christian – Another guy I’ve been less than complimentary about in the past! But credit where credit is due – Christian is an intelligent wrestler with great timing, which is why I believe he deserves number 2 spot on this list. But before I go into why I admire Christian’s selling of moves, I’d like you to watch a video I made – which categorically PROVES Christian is nothing more than cannon fodder for the REAL main-eventers;

As you can see, I praised him swivel to get into position for Morrison’s finisher. It’s little things like that which make Christian a worthy WWE mainstay. His offensive move-set is weaker than Budweiser, and his finisher is too complex to have any sort of variety of ways to counter it. But, credit where credit is mother’fuckin’ due! Christian makes the big boys look good! He is possibly the best in the business at getting a beatdown… well, behind ONE person….

#01 – Dolph Ziggler – Now this may not be the obvious choice. Any of you who have hard-ons for Christain may not like this and believe he deserves the top spot. I TOTALLY DISAGREE, and honestly believe Dolph Ziggler is THE BEST SELLER IN WWE RIGHT NOW!
His style is pretty standard, but he makes every move look better than it actually is. He’s probably the best guy in WWE at taking an RKO – the best at taking Sheamus’ Bro-Kick – Trouble in Paradise – etc, etc, etc. Personally I have grown to become a fan of Ziggler, his matches are always entertaining, plus he is a great smack talker in the ring, possibly even with shades of Chris Jericho at times.
His only downside, in my opinion anyway, is Vickie Guererro and his ‘stable’ with Jack Swagger. I try to erase Vicki Guererro’s voice from my mind, and Swagger is fairly non-existant the majority of the time anyway, so nothing too bad.

The US Title doesn’t look like it’s leaving his waist anytime soon so the future looks pretty rosy for Good Ol’ Zolph!!!

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Next up;
Zack Ryder – woo woo woo. OMG DUDE!! You KNOW it! Bro-ski and WOO woo WOO, and so on and so on.

I hate this man so viciously I would actually pay someone to murder him.

Oh, and as we’re on that topic, apparently I heard this rumour that if you kill Zack Ryder you get a packet of Doritos and a buy one get one free offer for your next pack, a place in heaven, you get an anonymous donation to your bank account for £10,000 GBP Sterling ($16,018.02 USDollar), your cock grows by 5 inches, your wife/girlfriends tits grow by 50%, you win the lottery, you are awarded the Nobel Prize for services to mankind, and last but not least, you get a handwritten thank you note and a bouquet of white roses from an anonymous admirer.

Has anyone else heard this rumour? It’s everywhere apparently. Honest. You don’t even need to search for it to confirm it, because I’ve told you, and you know you can trust me, right guys? Yeah, all those things would be super awesome to have, and all you gotta do is murder a disgrace to DNA…Zack Ryder… COUNT ME IN!

…but unfortunately I am not able to do it as I have volunteering commitments at the old people’s home close to where I live. God damn golly gosh! Oh well, I guess all these super amazing things could happen for someone out there who’s got what it takes to murder Zack Ryder….

*Disclaimer – Hey Zack, I know you read my columns. Heck, there’s no point keeping this a secret anymore ‘broski’ – but ladies and gentlemen – I can reveal to you…. that my secret “source” – my man behind the scenes, my informant for the pay per view results…. was…… ZACK RYDER!!!

But I don’t need you anymore you painfully annoying piece of shit. I’ve got me a NEW source, so you can fuck the fuck off, Zack! Don’t need’jya no more, bitch!

In all seriousness, it would break my heart if Zack Ryder died in the next few days. I have a bet with my bookmaker at 50/1 that Zack Ryder will live until the 12th of August 2012, at which point he will be shot with a sniper rifle from a vantage point outside his home address. The perpetrator will never be caught as he will have lain an elaborately developed volume of false clues and red herrings, hence the true marksman will never face justice.

It’s a long shot……. but I’m a pretty good aim, so I think it’ll be fine.

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All hints of a death involving Zack Ryder are merely premonitions of the future, concocted by the most actively paranormal name in future predictions; yours truly; Mick McManaman. Hence any coincidental involvements in death of the aforementioned Mr Ryder are just co-incidents. So stop asking questions! Fuck you! You got nothing on me… leave me alone!!!! You’ve all turned against me, I need to blow up the local Burger King…. AAAAAaAAAHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!1!!!!!

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Does John Laurenitis have throat cancer, or what? That man’s voice sounds like he’s smoked 100 cigarettes every day of his life from the age of 12. Buy some Menthol chews for fuck sake!
PS if John is actually suffering from cancer I TOTALLY take back what I just said about him….
He DOESN’T need to buy those Menthol chews anymore. Chemo sure, but I don’t think those Menthol chews would help a cancer patient.

Or would they? If you know the answer to this question please contact me via email/comment for entry into a free prize draw. The person with the correct answer wins something abso-tive-ly fucking AMAZING! …can’t tell you what it is right now, or it’ll spoil the surprise… so – to reiterate – the question for the chance to win the PRIZE OF A LIFETIME(!) is….

Do Menthol chews help throat cancer sufferers?

I know you think I’m a sar-caustic piece of crap who you shouldn’t take seriously. But you have got to take me seriously on this one! If you get the right answer, YOU WILL GET A PRIZE!*

*Guaran-damn-teed! Promise!!!

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###ROCK##
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“If ya SMEEEEEEELLLLLLLLAAAAAHHHHH, what the ROCK-ahhh; IS COOKIN’…”

John Cena & THE ROCK vs Awesome Truth

Cannot wait to see the Rock back in action. I was a huge Rock fan back in the day, and let’s hope he does a few promos leading up to and during Survivor Series! He is a genius with the microphone, quite clearly the BEST talker in the BUSINESS but a country mile! Sure, he’s no artist in the ring – but he’s unselfish, puts other guys over, and he’s not THAT bad in the ring, no matter what anyone says. I always enjoy his matches and I am unashamedly marking out like a god damn 12 year old for this one!

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That’s it from me for now folks. Chin and Mick have decided to take a hiatus. Maybe we will find out some of their exploits next week? Or maybe I will racially abuse a random ethnic minority superstar? Like Cody Rhodes? Or maybe I will just keep asking maybe until we get to May, baby?

…..Or quite possibly, I may just write a regular wrestling column!

Like today! …urrrr….

Hmmmm… excitement

I am just rambling now

Anyway, long story short, fuck you

I mean I love you.

Or do I?

Maybe…. maybe I…..

Fuck this. Bye y’all…. !!!!!
¡¡¡STICKY/MICKY!!!