Home l Columns l BAD, BAD, BAD!
Column Posted by Sticky Micky on 07:22:19 AM Jul 13, 2011

Hello all you TWNP readers... this is GOOD, GOOD, GREAT! That's right folks, following my recent surge in popularity I have decided to turn ultra-babyface. I know you haven't heard from me in around a week or so, and for all the Mick-addicts out there... that's right, both of you... I think an apology is in order.

I'm … sorry.

OK, there I said it – I'm sorry. Sorry for depriving you of this column which evokes harmony and tugs at your very soul, with it's blistering and sometimes devastating incisiveness. Possessing true intellectual vision combined with sheer literary genius can be a gift to the reader – yet to the writer, it can be a curse. Knowing that my fans crave this column the same way a smackhead would crave heroin can be a big responsibility... but please believe me when I say I NEVER shy away from responsibility. Case in point:- we bought a puppy for Christmas – and it wasn't JUST for Christmas.

We took care of it until new year's eve and only then did we shoot it. My wife – Chin-Yeoung-Mick – made us a traditional Korean dish the following day... it was the dog's bollox. Literally.

Anyway, I digress... what am I supposed to be writing about again? ...

Actually fuck the face-turn! I'm staying heel xx ;)

Which is exactly what I think CM Punk should do... but for some reason I have the feeling history is repeating itself, and no matter how hard the WWE writers try to keep him as heel he will eventually turn face, down to the total bad-ass, modern-day-prophet, power-to-the-people character he is portraying at the moment. As he said on Raw, he is now a “you tube sensation” - he's made the WWE “socially relevant” - he is “in touch with the man on the street”... and I definitely heard more cheers for CM Punk than I did for John-Superman-Cena.

The way Punk's character has evolved from 100% heel to semi-face reminds me of The Rock's face turn all those years ago. The Rock – as heel – was in a feud with Austin at the time. Even as heel, he would get huge cheers, have the crowd end his catchphrases for him, signs all over the place in support of The Rock... so his route to baby face was inevitable. The similarities with Punk are most definitely apparent – I think the only time he was booed in the entirety of Raw was when he claimed the WWE belt was going elsewhere... and even then, they were half-hearted boos at best.

CM Punk isn't going anywhere. John Cena isn't going anywhere. The WWE title belt won't turn up on TNA, in Japan, or on the next Jackass movie.

Personally I feel the whole angle has been very cleverly written and has brought some much needed attention to the WWE universe.

The only questionable difference between The Rock's face turn and CM Punk's (inevitable) face turn is what happens to their main rival? Steve Austin could never be heel as he was already a demi-god to wrestling fans at that point.

Wrestling feud rule #1 – Face cannot feud with Face for any length of time.

So the resolution to Rocky's face turn was to team him up with Austin to feud with the McMahon family and their stable at the time.

...I'm guessing – with Vince McMahon now involved and on-screen – that after the PPV Cena and Punk will team up to feud with McMahon in some way, shape or form for a short while. Well, that's the way I see it panning out based on history and the recent goings on.

If the WWE writers and Vince McMahon took their head's out of Cena's rectal cavity they may gain some clarity and see that most people would actually like to see Cena turn heel – he's pretty good at working the crowd, and I think people are so pissed off with his current persona that the boos will come naturally. Sadly, I don't think this will happen – at least not any time soon. My young son is a massive Cena fan and so are all of his friends, so his “Captain USA” shtick resonates with the pre-pubescent generation, making a convincing heel turn unlikely in the near future.

The way I see it, the title match – Cena v Punk - is irrelevant.

The real grenade is who wins Money In The Bank to become #1 contender.

If it's someone like The Miz then it's a clear cut Heel vs Face feud for the title.

Touch wood, I hope it isn't The Miz. He's shit. Shit in the ring, shit on top of the ladder whining, shit when he tells us he's awesome. He even looks like the type of little shit who got beat up as a kid and bulked up on steroids to “prove everyone wrong!”.

Hatred of The Miz aside, who really, REALLY has what it takes to be true 100% HEEL material to feud with either Punk or Cena for the title?

Well... there's not really much to pick from... but if a gun was put to my head I'd have to say I'd rather see R-Truth or Del Rio get another shot at the title. Both are true heels, as in they rarely get cheered, so a long-term* duel between the MITB winner and the winner of the title match (Punk or Cena) is conceivable.
*Long-term in WWE land means 'until the next PPV'

R-Truth's classic negro character is funny. Perceived as “not one of us” by the primarily white-American contingent of racist redneck fans will ensure heel status for as long as the writers desire.

Del Rio's classic latino character is funny. Perceived as “not one of us” by the primarily white-American contingent of patriotic redneck fans will ensure heel status for as long as the writers desire.

But, as shown time and time again, we will most likely be fooled into debating wild speculations and half-assed armchair booking.... just like in this column.

So, on that note, I bid you goodbye!

Mick xxx

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